8 Guys Get Really Honest About Their Penises

I feel ambivalent about my penis.

Sometimes, I love it. It’s a very important part of my body and my life. It’s fun to play with and swing around and stuff. It allows me to urinate without pulling my pants down. It’s of a size I’ve never been told is inadequate—more girth than length, I suppose, but I’ve made peace with that—and it’s the organ that allows me to (sometimes) have sex with women, which is pretty radical.

But sometimes, I hate my penis. Like when it gets hit with something. There’s always a two-minute period after that where I get angry at my penis for existing and enabling me to feel such pain. Some days, I get frustrated with how my penis (and hormones) make me unable to concentrate on anything except how much I want to have an orgasm. And occasionally, I get angry at it for getting me into sticky and negative situations—though this is admittedly just me picking a scapegoat for my own horrible cognitive decision making.

I got to wondering what other dudes out there think and feel about their penises. So I asked them!

"If you’re not confident in your d*ck size, you’re not going to be confident getting naked in front of a woman, especially for the first time. But now that you’ve asked me this question, I don’t know how it really measures up with other guys. The only other erections I’ve ever seen have been in porno movies, and those guys have huge dongs just because of their profession. Actually, maybe my penis when it’s hard is normalish. I feel better already!" —Andrew R.

"More like intrigued, I guess. So that makes me feel kind of weird about my penis, but also like it’s kind of unique in some way. It has this brownish ring all around it, and you know what? Not everyone can say that about their junk." —Jamie L.

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"Some have been bigger, some have been smaller, but I’ve never felt tiny or inadequate in any way, so I feel all right about my penis. A woman has never really reacted to it in one way or another, at least not verbally, and it’s not like I’m going to ask what she thinks about my d*ck. So I guess meat peeping in locker rooms is all I have to go on for now." —Jared B.

"I mean, I’ve never felt bad about it or anything like that, but a woman I slept with recently actually told me that I had a big d*ck. It does wonders for your confidence. The walk home the next morning felt like that dance scene from 500 Days of Summer. I think I’ve told every guy friend I have that a girl told me I had a big d*ck, and I’ll keep doing so—maybe forever." —Eric S.

"That’s just the way it is. I’ve always felt this way, and will feel this way until the day I die. But I don’t have any negative feelings about my penis. Vaginas are really funny looking, too, and I’ll do pretty much whatever to make a woman want me to be near hers, so the looks aren’t all that big a deal, right? So I guess I feel funny about my penis in that I can laugh at how funny genitals look in general and then move on to being aroused by them without questioning it too much." —Ben W.

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"I’ve been told a few times that it’s larger than average. My mom and Grandma have told me stories about how, when I was very young, they would change my diapers and marvel at how large my balls were for such a young boy. I’m not sure if they’ve grown proportionally since then, but I still like to think I have some big balls." —Justin V.

"I’d take another inch or two if given the option, but I know I’ll never be given that option, so it is what it is. If I could change one thing, it’d be that I’d have more control over my erections. I wake up with a boner every morning and get them randomly throughout the day. It can get annoying, and boners are a painful thing to conceal. But I bet when I’m like 50 or something and I can’t get a boner to save my life, I’ll remember today, the day I complained that I got too many boners." —Henry G.

"Just kidding. I feel okay about my penis, even though it’s smaller than average. It’s something I’m open about. It’s not like it’s my fault or anything. It’s the cross I have to bear that I was born with, you know? I just try to joke about it and do the best I can with it. My favorite thing to say is that putting a Magnum on my d*ck would be like putting a garbage bag on a toothpick." —Jonathan T.