Are you having an affair? If you are and would like to keep it secret, I’ve got a simple and easy-to-follow piece of advice. It doesn’t involve anything revolting, such as harnesses or Jim Davidson’s “area”. It’s something most people in this country should be able to manage. It’s this: don’t tell the Italian police.
If you can bear it, try not to involve the prancing, shimmying, pom-pom-carrying, gossip-mongering, idiot hairdressers of the Italian crime-fighting community. No one in the Italian police ever takes affairs seriously or keeps them quiet; on receiving news of a fling, an Italian policeman will regard it as his constitutional duty to instantly report it as far and wide as possible.
This is a country in which a woman can