6 Common Preschool Behavior Problems and How To Handle Them

It's very common for preschoolers to push boundaries and act out on occasion—and for their parents to wonder how to handle these 3- and 4-year-old behavior issues. Tantrums and meltdowns, as well as asserting their independence by saying "no," are all normal behaviors at this age.

That said, certain preschooler behavioral issues shouldn't be overlooked, as they can morph into long-term problems if left unchecked. Keep reading to learn more about six challenging preschool behaviors. We also share tips for working with your child to nip them in the bud.

Interrupting When You're Talking

Your child may be excited to tell you something or ask a question, but allowing them to butt into your conversations doesn't teach them how to be considerate of others or occupy themselves when you're busy, says psychologist Jerry Wyckoff, PhD, co-author of Getting Your Child From No to Yes. "As a result, they'll think that they're entitled to other people's attention and won't be able to tolerate frustration."

The next time you're about to make a call or visit with a friend, tell your child what's about to happen and what you expect from them. You could say: "In a moment, I will be talking on the phone. I will not be available to talk or play with you until I'm done. Let's get out the crayons so you can color while you wait for me to be available again."

Keeping them occupied is your best bet at minimizing interruptions, but if your child still regularly tugs your arm, talks a lot, or calls out for your attention, try introducing a hand signal. This allows your child to quietly express their desire for your attention while also practicing patience.

For instance, have them place their hand somewhere on your body like your arm or leg. Then, cover their hand with yours to acknowledge them—a silent "I hear you." Tell them that when they do this, you will give them your attention as soon as you're able.

The physical touch offers a silent way to connect that can help your child feel seen and heard while they practice waiting. Once you're done with your conversation, make a point to give them your full attention and address whatever need they have. Additionally, praise them for being quiet and waiting for you to finish. Offering this appreciation helps to reinforce the behavior.

Not stopping what you're doing to give them your attention right away lets them know they won't get what they want by interrupting. It also teaches them important social skills. At this age, kids can understand social rules and follow them.

Playing Too Rough

You know that you have to step in when your child punches a playmate, but you shouldn't disregard more subtle acts of aggression like shoving their sibling or pinching a friend. It's important to have a zero-tolerance policy when it comes to aggressive behaviors.

"If you don't intervene, rough behavior can become an entrenched habit by age 8," says Michele Borba, EdD, author of Don't Give Me That Attitude!: 24 Rude, Selfish, Insensitive Things Kids Do and How to Stop Them. "Plus, it sends a message that hurting people is acceptable."

Confront aggressive behavior on the spot and intervene, says the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP). Occasional outbursts are normal 3-year-old behaviors, but kids are also learning impulse control at this age. Some may even talk to themselves as reminders of what to do and not do.

As they learn to control their impulses and process their feelings, you may need to remind them not to kick, hit, throw, or bite and say "We do not hit" to reiterate the rule. You also may need to gently but firmly hold their hands to stop the hitting or remove them from the situation.

Pretending Not To Hear You

Telling your child two, three, or even four times to do something they don't want to do, such as get into the car or pick up their toys, sends the message that it's OK to disregard you and that they—not you—are running the show.

"Reminding your child again and again just trains them to wait for the next reminder rather than to pay attention to you the first time around," says Kevin Leman, PhD, a psychologist, and author of First-Time Mom: Getting Off on the Right Foot—From Birth to First Grade. "If you allow the behavior to continue, your child is likely to become defiant and controlling."

Instead of talking to your child from across the room, walk over to them, get on their level, and tell them what they need to be doing. Use short, simple instructions. You should also make eye contact and encourage them to respond by saying "OK." Even better, ask them to repeat back your instructions to ensure they understand.

If they continue to ignore you or don't follow through, impose a consequence such as delaying a privilege or taking one away. If they do listen to you and stop ignoring you, it's important to recognize this behavior, too. Positive consequences for 3- or 4-year-old behaviors let your child know you are pleased with their response and encourage them to repeat it in the future.

Helping Themselves to a Treat

It's certainly convenient when your child can get a snack or turn on the TV themselves, but letting them control activities that you should regulate teaches them that they don't need to follow rules.

"It may be cute when your [little one] walks along the counter to get the cookies out of the cabinet, but just wait until [they're] 8 and go to visit a friend who lives three blocks away without asking," says Dr. Wyckoff.

Establish a small number of house rules and talk about them with your child often. If your child turns on the TV without permission, for instance, tell them to turn it off and say, "You need to ask me before you turn on the television."

Stating the rule out loud will help them internalize it. At this age, strive to limit the number of house rules to about two or three. Any more than that can be hard for them to remember.

Keep in mind that rules should provide structure and keep your child safe. They also can teach kids the importance of following rules at an early age so that when they go to school, they will naturally adapt to the boundaries the teachers set.

Having a Little Attitude

You may not think your child is going to roll their eyes or use a snippy tone until they're a preteen, but sassy behavior often starts when preschoolers mimic older kids. This is done to test their parents' reactions.

"Some parents ignore it because they think it's a passing phase," says Dr. Borba. "But if you don't confront it, you may find yourself with a disrespectful third grader who has a hard time making and keeping friends."

Make your child aware of their behavior. Tell them: "When you roll your eyes like that, it seems as if you don't like what I'm saying. It's OK not to like my decision, but it's not OK to roll your eyes."

The idea isn't to make your child feel bad. Instead, the goal is to show them how they look or sound and give them a more appropriate way to express what they're feeling or thinking.

Exaggerating the Truth

While it may not seem like a big deal if your child says they made their bed when they barely pulled up the covers, it's important to confront any type of dishonesty. For preschoolers, experimenting with lying is developmentally appropriate, and it's up to you to set expectations around honesty from the start.

"Lying can become automatic if your child learns that it's an easy way to make themselves look better, if they learn it's an easy way to avoid doing something, or if they realize that—in lying—they can avoid punishment," says Dr. Wyckoff.

When your child fibs, sit down with them and set the record straight. You could say: "I know that's not what happened. It's OK to tell me what happened."

Treat this as an opportunity to teach your child about honesty rather than discipline them. Children are more likely to continue to lie when they're afraid of getting into trouble or being punished.

Additionally, look at their motivation for lying to ensure they don't achieve their goals. For example, if your child said that they brushed their teeth when they didn't, have them go back and brush them before letting them do the next activity they want to do.