I like to blame both my weaknesses and my strengths on being the youngest of four (hey, it's convenient!). I’m terrible at making quick decisions...probably because I never had to as the baby of the family. But I'm also pretty good at going with the flow, which is probably due to the fact that I was just trying to keep up with everyone else growing up.
Obviously the order in which you’re born into your family isn’t the only thing that determines how you act. And because there are so many different types of families out there, it differs from one group to the next. However, Kevin Leman, Ph.D., psychologist and best-selling author of The Birth Order Book, says there are certainly similarities between firstborns and beyond.
If you’re a firstborn…
Then you’re probably pretty successful. “The first born is the lab rat of the family. The parents practice on the first born,” Leman says. “[The oldest children] hear things like, ‘I don’t care what he/she did, I expect more of you, because you’re the oldest.’ So parents groom them for success. And they’re often the movers and shakers as adults.”
Common first-born traits: reliability and conscientiousness. First-borns often love making lists and aren't super-into surprises (which is understandable, considering they experienced the ultimate world-crushing surprise of a new younger sibling). They also tend to analyze everything before making decisions.
If you’re in the middle…
Leman likes to refer to middle children as the peanut butter and jelly of the family sandwich. “They’re squeezed between the crowned prince or princess and the kid who got away with murder—that’s a tough place. So, their psychological muscles develop because of that.”
Middle children are generally excellent mediators and negotiators (probs because of all that early experience being in the literal middle of every family argument). They're also very loyal and pretty good at making new friends. Basically, they can bring a crowd together, just like they might right at home.
If you’re the youngest…
What do most comedians have in common? They’re the youngest in their family line-up. “The babies of the family could sell dead rats for a living if necessary,” Leman says of their outgoing, sales-like personality. “They play off whoever is directly above them in the family.”
That also means the youngest children are pretty social, outgoing, affectionate, and uncomplicated, according to Leman. Unlike the oldest, they tend to make decisions on a whim, without doing research. (Yep, sounds about right for me. Told you there were some faults.)
If you’re an only child…
“If you put the word ‘super’ in front of the firstborn’s traits, you get an only child,” Leman explains. “They’re little adults by age 7 and they don’t always get along with kids their own age. They often like to sneak in with the adults. But they do well in life.”
In other words, that reliability, conscientiousness, and go-getter attitude passes right along to the only child, just as it would the oldest. (So it's not surprising that uber-responsible only children Jane Villanueva and Rory Gilmore LOVE making lists.)
The exceptions
Of course, the above rules aren't cut and dry—there are some key variables that can impact how birth order affects personality, Leman says. For example, if there’s a five-year gap or more between kids, then that means it’s like a whole new family formed (and the dynamics start over).
In some ways, gender can also impact birth-order personality types. Often times, if there’s only one son in a family of all girls, then that boy might have more first-born or only-child tendencies (since he is the only boy).
What other psychologists say
Not everyone, however, is onboard with this birth-order theory. Steven Hertler, a researcher with the department of psychology at the College of New Rochelle who has studied the topic, says genetics play a bigger role in your character than your family. He says that most people are born with set personality traits, and your home life just helps you hone in on them. For instance, if your brother is naturally more dominant and loud and you’re quiet, this difference would only grow as you live together.
Susan Newman, Ph.D., social psychologist and author of several books, says there are just too many factors that come into play in terms of personality to pinpoint birth order as a deciding one. “It could be more an age effect, or how old you are within the family. It could have to do with family size and family resources. It could have to do with how your parents parent you, or your social and peer influences,” she says—making birth order far from the end-all, be-all determination of who you are as a person.
The bottom line: Don’t let your line-up determine exactly who you are. But hey, if you’re like me, feel free to use your status in the fam as an excuse for any faults. It could help explain where you’re coming from.
