Why Do Babies Fight Sleep?

My son Zachary spent the better part of his first week on this planet asleep, and my husband and I took all the credit. We're second-time parents: We know what we're doing this time! Everything is so much easier! And then Zachary woke up.

The next few months were a blur of night wakings, napless afternoons, and pre-bedtime battles. It was like he was fighting sleep. And, of course, when he didn't sleep, we started dealing with sleep deprivation ourselves. Little did we know that there were a number of reasons behind his erratic sleep habits—and "he's just not tired" wasn't one of them.

Read on to discover the reasons why babies sometimes seem to fight sleep and what you can do to help everyone get a little more shut-eye.

Your Baby Is Too Excited to Sleep

Whether they're being tossed into the air by your partner, watching a video, or simply splashing in the tub, your baby may spend their evenings doing the opposite of winding down. Not only will they think that going to bed equals missing out on the fun, but those good times can make an already sleepy baby overtired.

When that happens, Jodi Mindell, PhD, author of Sleeping Through the Night, says it's actually much harder for them to fall asleep. As a result, they may fight sleep or wake up more often during the night.

So, instead of activities that wind them up, try giving your baby's bedtime routine a makeover with more soothing activities. Ditch the tickle-fests and replace them with activities like a massage, lullaby, story, or swaddling for a younger baby.

And skip Baby Einstein screenings: TV is stimulating and makes it harder to fall asleep. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) and the American Academy of Sleep Medicine (AASM) recommend turning off screens at least 30 minutes before bedtime. Better yet, delay introducing screen time entirely until toddlerhood. (The AAP advises against all screen use in infants under 18 months.)

Consider your baby's temperament when you choose a ritual; not all bedtime staples are relaxing for every baby. Even baths aren't a given for bedtime. "Some babies find them thrilling and get wound up," says Ann Douglas, author of Sleep Solutions for Your Baby, Toddler, and Preschooler. If that's the case, move tub time to earlier in the day.

Pay attention to your mood, too. If you're tense, your baby will probably pick up on it. Dr. Mindell says you should slow down when you're getting them ready for bed, too. "Move quietly and dim the lights. Bedtime should be a cozy time with your child."

Your Baby Is Sensitive to Their Environment

You spent your pregnancy searching for the perfect lullaby CD and cozy bedding for your baby's nursery. But despite your hard work, they may not be comfortable.

"Some babies are very sensitive to their external and internal environment," says Harvey Karp, MD, creator of the DVD and book The Happiest Baby on the Block. "They may be bothered by the phone ringing, the feeling of a clothing label, or even sensations in their body like food digesting." Babies can ignore these sensations during the day when there's activity, but it's much harder at night.

To help your baby stop fighting sleep, make your baby's environment as soothing as possible. If you're not sure what's bothering them, start with the following:

• Removing pajama tags
• Using softer sheets
• Darkening their room

And while parents assume babies need lots of bundling, your little one may be overheated. Dr. Karp says to start by feeling their neck and ears. "If they're hot, remove one or two layers of clothing."

On the other hand, your child may be upset by the lack of stimulation in the room, especially if they're less than 4 months old. "Babies were constantly held, rocked, and touched in the uterus, and there was always white noise," says Dr. Karp. "Many babies can't relax because they miss that rhythmic calmness." A tight swaddle and white noise machine may help recreate that womblike feeling.

They're Not Getting Enough Light During the Day

Too tired to go for a walk with the baby before 3 p.m. or too busy to open all the shades? Keeping your baby in the dark may be causing their erratic sleep schedule. "Infants who get more exposure to light during the day sleep better," says Dr. Mindell.

The key is exposure to morning light. "It suppresses melatonin—a hormone that regulates the sleep-wake cycle—so that it peaks at the right time," says Dr. Mindell. The circadian rhythm—the natural cycle of your body that responds to light and dark—is undeveloped in newborns.

However, studies have found that by 11 weeks, the components of a baby's circadian rhythm are developed. Researchers recommend daytime light exposure and nighttime light avoidance to promote circadian rhythm development in infants.

Move your baby's high chair or nursing pillow to the sunniest spot in the house and feed them there. A morning walk is a good idea, too, even on a cloudy day. But if it's not doable or the weather isn't cooperating, turning on a bunch of lamps is a decent substitute.

Remember to dim the lights an hour or two before bedtime, though. "You want your baby to associate light and activity with the day and darkness and inactivity with nighttime," says Dr. Karp.

Your Baby Is a Midnight Snacker

"This is probably the number one reason why babies have trouble falling asleep," says Cathryn Tobin, MD, author of The Lull-A-Baby Sleep Plan. When you feed your baby immediately before you lay them in the crib, they'll associate feeding with sleeping—especially if they fall asleep at your breast or a bottle. That may not be a problem at 7 p.m., but it can become one when they wake up at 3 a.m. and need to eat to drift off again.

Dr. Mindell says you don't have to get rid of pre-bedtime feeding altogether; just move it earlier in the nap or bedtime routine. Try feeding, then doing a diaper change, then putting them down when they're awake. And consider not feeding your baby in their bedroom to help reinforce that their nursery is just for sleeping.

Eventually, your baby will learn to soothe themselves when they wake up at night. But if they aren't getting the hang of it, their stomach might be actually empty.

Remember that "sleeping through the night" is defined as sleeping six consecutive hours. So, if you put your baby down at 8 p.m., waking at 2 a.m. is technically "through the night." According to a study in Pediatrics, 38% of 6-month-olds and 28% of 12-month-olds do not sleep through the night.

Dr. Karp suggests packing in extra calories by feeding your baby every hour or two in the evening so they're not hungry at night. For example, if bedtime is 8 p.m., feed them at 5 p.m., 6 p.m., and at least once more before you tuck them in.

Another option is doing a "dream feed": Put them down for the night at 8 p.m., then wake them for a feeding before you go to sleep.

Your Baby Won't Sleep at Naptime

Babies who fight sleep at naptime cost you more than some free time during the day. "A child who misses a nap or only takes a short one has a harder time falling asleep and will wake more often during the night," says Dr. Mindell.

"For babies under 12 months, it's typically a timing issue," says Dr. Tobin. "You have to hit that exact moment—the beginning of the yawn, the heavy eyes—or you often miss the opportunity for a nap." At that point, they're overtired and too wired to fall asleep. Watch for your baby's sleepy signs and put them down immediately. And be consistent.

If your bedtime routine is a lullaby and a story, do the same before naptime. If they sleep, great. If they spend an hour cooing, fine—restorative downtime is still better than nothing.

Newborns sleep whenever they feel like it, but by 4 months, babies typically fall into a nap schedule consisting of two longer naps a day (one in the morning and another in the afternoon) or three shorter ones. Unsure if your baby is getting adequate daytime and nighttime sleep? Add up the total hours they sleep in 24 hours. According to the AAP, infants 4 to 12 months require 12 to 16 total hours of sleep a day (including naps).

They Can't Nod Off Without You

Whether you rock them or pat their back until they drift off, your baby may have become dependent on your presence to fall asleep. So, when they wake and you're not there to help them drift off, they may not be able to fall back to sleep.

Don't abandon them entirely. Instead, gradually spend less time in their room each night. As long as they're old enough, you can use a transitional object like a blanket or stuffed animal to make the process easier. (A baby must be around 1 year old before they sleep with a lovey; before that, anything loose in the crib increases the risk of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS).)

For newborns, you can start swaddling them with the blanket that will eventually become their lovey, says Dr. Tobin. Or, follow your child's lead. If your baby gravitates toward their fuzzy lamb, for example, incorporate it into their bedtime routine until they're old enough to cuddle with it in the crib.

They're Struggling to Give Up Co-Sleeping

You're finally ready to reclaim your bedroom, but your mini roommate isn't interested in their lonely crib. And the longer you've co-slept, the harder this process will be.

"This takes a while, so make the break gradually," says Dr. Mindell. To stop co-sleeping with your baby, first have them nap by themselves. Once they're used to sleeping alone, do their bedtime routine in their room. Then, move their crib into your room or put them down in their room, but continue to bring them into your room if they wake up at night.

Keep in mind that the AAP supports room-sharing but not bed-sharing due to the increased risk of infant injury or death in shared sleep spaces. So, make sure if you bring them back to your room, your baby has a separate safe sleep space, like an age-appropriate crib or bassinet.

If they can't make the final transition to spending the whole night alone, you may choose to let them fuss in their room for a while. Over time and with consistency, they'll learn to soothe themselves.

You Can't Stand to Let Them Fuss

Think about it: Do you fall asleep the minute you get into bed? Probably not. Well, neither does your baby. So when you burst into their room at the slightest whimper, you may distract them from falling asleep or even wake them up.

There are several sleep training methods to try, so if listening to them fuss is too hard, maybe a different approach is for you. Or, perhaps sleep training isn't for you at all. At the end of the day, only you know what's right for you and your baby. Evaluate which is worse: Listening to them fighting sleep or the frustration and exhaustion you experience with ongoing bedtime battles.

If it's the latter, start with small intervals of checking on them and fight the urge to go to them for just a few minutes. Dr. Tobin says if you don't give your baby a chance to calm themselves, they won't learn to do it as quickly. And if you're glued to the baby monitor, turn it down so you hear their cries but not all the little noises that babies naturally make in their sleep.