Jokes for Kids: Puns, One-Liners, Dad Jokes

Best Q&A Jokes for Kids

Here are 25 funny family-friendly Q&A style jokes from comedians and authors Michael Strecker (author of Young Comic's Guide to Telling Jokes) and Rob Elliott (author of Laugh-Out-Loud Jokes for Kids).

Q: When will the little snake arrive?
A: I don't know, but he won't be long.

Q: Why did Dracula lie in the wrong coffin?
A: He made a grave mistake.

Q: Why should you not let a bear operate the remote?
A: He will keep pressing the paws button.

Q: Why did the man get fired from his job at the coin factory?
A: He stopped making cents.

Q: Where did the article on the famous owl research appear?
A: In the "Who's Who."

Q: Why didn't the dental hygienist like her award?
A: It was a plaque.

Q: Why was the road nervous?
A: It was about to get graded.

Q: Why did the dinosaur refuse to wear deodorant?
A: He didn't want to be ex-stink.

Q: Why was the weightlifter upset?
A: She worked with dumbbells.

Q: What kind of match is hard to get out of the box?
A: A wrestling match.

Q: What is the Pope's favorite scent?
A: Pope-pourri.

Q: Why did the pony get sent to his room?
A: He wouldn't stop horsing around.

Q: What do music and chickens have in common?
A: Bach, Bach, Bach!

Q: What do you call a lazy kangaroo?
A: A pouch potato.

Q: Why are frogs so happy?
A: They just eat whatever bugs them.

Q: What do you get when you cross a bear with a forest?
A: You get fur trees.

Q: Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
A: Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels.

Q: Why can't a nose be 12 inches long?
A: If it was, then it'd be a foot.

Q: Why does a milking stool only have three legs?
A: Because the cow has the udder one.

Q: What do you get when you have two doctors at once?
A: Pair-a-medics.

Q: What does the fairy use to fix her wand?
A: Toothpaste.

Q: Why did the boy jump and down before drinking his juice?
A: The carton said, "Shake well before drinking."

Q: What kind of balls don't bounce?
A: Eyeballs.

Q: Why can't you play hide-and-seek with mountains?
A: Because they're always peaking.

Q: What did one snowman say to the other?
A: Do you smell carrots?

Best Dad Jokes for Kids

No one knows for sure where the term "dad joke" originated, but this beloved genre of punchlines has grown in popularity, and in 2019, it was added to the Merriam-Webster dictionary. Here are 25 dad jokes that your whole family will love.

My spouse is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction, so I packed up my stuff and right.
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
The car looks nice, but the muffler seems exhausted.
I tell dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs.
Friend: "Hey, my fish just died. Can you say something that means a lot?"
Parent: "Plethora"
Friend: "Thanks, that does mean a lot."
Waiter at the end of the meal: Are you finished?
Parent: No, Norwegian.
Bro, you want this pamphlet? Brochure.
What if you tell a dad joke without being a dad? It's a faux pa.
What do you get when you boil a funny bone? Laughing stock.
Kid: *Falls down.*
Parent: Are you alright?
Kid: Yeah.
Parent: That's so weird; you should be half left.
Barber: How do you want your hair cut?
Parent: Shorter.
Why does a chicken coop have two doors? Because if it had four doors, it would be a sedan.
Did you know that the first French fries weren't cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.
Parent: What starts with "w" and ends with "hat".
Kid: What?
Parent: Exactly.

Today my kid asked, "Can I have a bookmark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years and my kid still doesn't know my name is Brian.
Kid: How do I look?
Parent: With your eyes!
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom? Because the pee is silent.
What does a vegetarian zombie eat? GRAAIINNSS!
What do you call a dog that can do magic tricks? A labracadabrador.
5/4 of people admit they're terrible with fractions.
What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea!
Kid: "Hey, I was thinking..."
Parent: "I thought I smelled something burning."
A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
What does it sound like when a plane bounces? Boeing Boeing Boeing.
I went to the seafood disco last night. I pulled a mussel.

Best One-Liners for Kids

Keep these hilarious one-liners in mind the next time there is a lull in the conversation.

6:30 is my favorite time of day, hands down.
I love my furniture; my recliner and I go way back.
Parent putting the car in reverse: "Ah, this takes me back!"
Most people think a pirate's favorite letter of the alphabet is "Arrrrgh!" But they're wrong. Tis the C they love.
I'm friends with 25 of the letters in the alphabet. I don't know y.
Driving by a cemetery: "Oh look! We're in the dead center of town."
Nine months isn't really that long, it only feels like maternity.
Let's take the scenic route—let me know if you see Nick.
This book about anti-gravity is good; it's impossible to put down.
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'll let you know.
My friend keeps saying, "Cheer up; it could be worse—you could be stuck in a hole full of water!" I know he means well.
I'm so excited spring is finally here. I wet my plants.
I'm not sure what the best part of living in Switzerland is, but the flag is a big plus.
Grandpa: I have a dad bod.
Dad: To me, it's more of a father figure.
Can February March? No, but April May.

Pregnant people are bodybuilding 24/7.
A bug hits the windshield. Parent: "I bet it doesn't have the guts to do that again."
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
I'm not a huge fan of bears, but this one is growing on me.
You can't trust an atom. They make everything up.
Have a nice trip! See you next fall!
Man, the rotation of the earth really makes my day.
I hate elevators. I take steps to avoid them.
Geology rocks, but geography is where it's at.
It really takes guts to be an organ donor.

Best Puns for Kids

Puns are the corniest of jokes, which makes them absolutely perfect for kids and parents alike. They work by playing with the different meanings of a word or the different ways a word can sound to create goofy punchlines.

Not sure if you've noticed, but I love bad puns. That's just how eye roll.
If a computer can sign, what should you name it? A dell.
How did the Roman Empire get cut in half? With a pair of Caesars.
I like jokes about eyes. The cornea, the better.
If you aren't good at grinding herbs then you're just wasting thyme.
I tried telling my spouse ten wordplay jokes in a row to make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they really guilty of resisting a rest?
What do you call somebody with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.
What is the least spoken language in the world? Sign language.
If you're cold, go stand in a corner. It's 90 degrees.
Did you hear about the magic tractor? It turned into a field.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten-tickles.
You're American when you go into the bathroom and when you come out of the bathroom, but what are you while you're in the bathroom? European.
It's a little-known secret that George Washington kept his armies up his sleevies.

Why is the sand wet? Because the seaweed!
Did you hear about the clock? It got shushed in the library for tocking too loud.
What do you call a knight who hates fighting? Sir Render.
When is the door, not a door? When it's ajar.
What does the ocean do when it sees friends? It waves.
How does the moon cut its hair? Eclipse it.
What's worse than raining cats and dogs? Hailing taxis.
What kind of tree can fit in your hand? A palm tree.
Did you know that fish live in saltwater because pepper makes them sneeze?
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
What do you call Dracula with hay fever? The pollen Count.