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Divorce is one of those things that you always hope you’ll never have to experience or learn too much about. But the sad fact is that many people do. And it’s one of those life situations that—unless you’re a divorce attorney—you likely don’t know all that much about fiscally, psychologically, or emotionally until it becomes something you actually go through yourself.
We wanted to hear from guys who have gone through a divorce, to learn what they wish they'd known before setting the process in motion. So we asked a few to share their thoughts:
“I wish I knew just how hard it would be, as basic as that sounds. I thought after asking for a divorce and ultimately settling the divorce, it would be a relief for both me and my ex-wife. Once it was finally done it was kind of a relief, but to get there was extremely hard—and we were pretty amicable about dividing things up and stuff. I don’t even want to think about how bad it might have been if it was a nastier divorce.” —Pat Y.
“I'm not sure if the feelings ever go away. I’m three years out and they haven’t gone away for me. I know my ex and I weren’t right for each other and wouldn’t have lasted, happily anyway, but to know that she’s out there seeing other guys is still something that feels like a punch in the gut whenever I think about it. I’ve been seeing other people too, but it’s still rough.” —Mitchell W.
Related: 6 Signs A Couple Is Headed for Divorce, According To Therapists
“I didn’t know going into the separation and the divorce that it was definitely the right thing to do. I know now that it was. I’m happier and so is my ex-wife. We’ve actually remained friends, even though we didn’t have kids, which would have made that kind of thing more necessary. Also, if I knew it was the right thing, it would’ve happened earlier." —Tyler B.
Watch men and women spill the honest truth about dealbreakers in a relationship:
“You can’t possibly know what it feels like to have to pay alimony to someone when you asked them for a divorce because they cheated on you. To me, that is insane, but I’m legally obligated to pay my ex-wife every month. There’s also a lot of expense involved with attorneys and things like that. It’s definitely not a thing where you just go your separate ways, or at least it wasn’t in my experience. I don’t think I can ever get married again.” —Gerry A.
Related: This Is How Much Going Through a Breakup Costs
“My wife and I were definitely two people who toughed it out longer than we probably should have because we wanted to stick it out for the kids. Turns out, our kids were fine, or as fine as you can be when your parents tell you they’re getting divorced. In hindsight, them seeing us fighting and feeling an unhappy presence around them so often was probably what hurt them more than anything. Divorce wasn’t the end of the world for us, and same goes for the kids.” —Bryce E.
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“I had no f—ing idea how rough it was going to be to start dating again, and specifically to open myself up in that way to someone else. My ex-wife and I had been together since high school, and I really hadn’t been with anyone else. I didn’t really know how to date, especially using apps and everything that’s available now. It’s been long enough that I should be able to get out there more successfully, but I still have a tough time. I don’t want to get hurt like that again, so it’s hard for me to even get started on the right foot." —Jonathan N.
Related: 7 Things Guys Do When They’re Not Over Their Exes
“You kind of carry the title of ‘divorced person’ with you and it doesn’t really go away. It became a defining characteristic for me, and one I couldn’t not talk about. Everyone I dated, all of my friends, everyone wanted to know about it. It was like some weird scarlet letter, even though no infidelity was involved on either end. That I know of." —Rob F.
